2002-10-23 ~ 7:07 a.m.

the fear

Its 7 am and I am tired. My boobs hurt and I want more sleep! ugh...

Noah has school today and its pouring, I had errands but know if they will get done in this weather.

Pregnancy wise, last night I got more worried then I had been. I have been so excited the last two days until last night I didn't think too much about how hard its going to be to get through the first part of this pregnancy without being a complete basket case.

I know statistly, I have a no greater chance of another m/c then anyone else. I have a good chance that I will go on to have this baby just like with Noah and Jaidyn. But the fear is still there.

I wouldn't say I was really worried I guess, just scared. That sounds better. Technically I feel a lot better about this pregnancy already, but I fear something will go wrong, because it did last time.

I am calling tomorrow to get into the dr. I didn't want to call yesterday because yesterday was the day my period was due (I think) so I wanted to hold off a bit before calling and they thought I was nuts. I may call today and just get in for one visit atleast around 6 weeks since I bet it will take atleast 2 weeks to get in...

Then if everything is good, maybe I can get my midwife :)

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