2002-11-20 ~ 7:06 a.m.

Only 6 more days

8 weeks and 2 days! :) WOW. Already. 2 months and counting. WOW

ITs been harder these last few days and I know it will be harder over the next couple weeks too.

Why? Well for one with my tooth hurting so badly I haven't been able to feel really pregnant, that pain has taken over! Second, I will be nine weeks next week and that is the last time I saw our angel baby ok on ultrasound. 3rd I have my first appt next week and that scares me. and last but diffently the worst, its getting close to decemember. That means I am getting way to close to when angel baby was due.

It makes it scary this pregnancy with all of that on top of it, ya know?? I should be ready to give birth, not just starting out again.

Then again I feel like in away I am short changing this baby, by not getting as excited as I could be, because I have a causious side this time with pregnancy too. Extended family doesn't know we are expecting and I am debating on waiting until christmas to tell them. It will just depend on how I feel after next week I guess.

Anyway I am so happy and glad to be carring this baby inside me. I am doing everthing I can thing of to do right by this baby and make this pregnancy as healthy as it can be.

Deep down I know everything is okay, but the old surface wounds are still too new, too clear, to push away.

My sweet baby nibblet is growing inside of me! :) I can't wait until July when I can hold my nibblet in my arms, to nurse, to comfort, to introduce to his or her brother and sister.

I wish I could share my pregnancy with Noah right now, but its best to wait. He took the other loss so hard, and he is only 4 he doesn't need that again.

Anyway this is kind of a depressing entry, I am going to try and keep most of this out of this journal over the next few weeks, probably just write most of it on my paper journal....

Anyway 6 days until my appt! :) YAY only 6 dayus now!

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